Here and Now
by Rogue Wildmage
Summary: When Neal kisses Kel "accidently" they are both forced to decide whats important to them. KELNEAL One shot...


Ok, before you all unwittingly dive in to the fic written below, I would like to warn you that it is VERY fluffy. I have no idea why I decide to do a one shot when I have so many other fics that need updating (Namely my main KELNEAL one, which hasn't been updated for months, and my joint one, but not my SANDRYBRIAR one because I haven't got enuff reviews yet...ï) AND a new fic on the way (It'll be romance/humour and KELNEAL) but it did seem appropriate at the time. So yeah. Try and review it for me if you can, cos I'm reeli nervous about posting it, since its different to what I usually write...(LJ, I think ur having a negative effect on me....its all angst!!!)

Luv, JiLL

**HERE AND NOW**

_I never know what the future brings, _

_But I know you're here with me now, _

_We'll make it through, _

_And I hope you are, _

_The one I share my life with..._

..._I hope I love you all my life_

_**Daniel Bedingfield – If you're not the one**_

0OooO0

Kel sat at the camp fire, clutching the hot cup and staring into the brightly patterned flames. Kel had always liked fire, to her; it was everything a good knight should be: tough, precise, with no room for the enemy, yet with plenty of room to bring warmth and gladness to those who needed it. But today, Kel barely seemed to notice its chivalry, as her thoughts were turned firmly towards herself, something that rarely occurred at all, and seldom lasted longer than checking if she were alive. But today was different. Today she must deal with her emotions, as it would be her last chance before re-entering the city, where they would have to be flung aside. Emotions had always been a struggle for Kel, After years of being taught not to show them, sometimes she found it hard even to find them inside of herself. And as she stared at the fire, hearing the world continue around her, vision blurred and toes aching with cold, Kel felt more emotionless than ever. Sometime last night - after "that" kiss - Kel had had her worst fears confirmed as she dreamed, and she had known for the moment she had awoken, that the love she had had for Neal since their days as pages had never disappeared. It had, in fact, like a defeated enemy, only hidden, regrouped, and become stronger, only to prey on its ancient foe once again, renewed as though never defeated at all.

Kel knew that it was hopeless to fight it this time. Every reason she had had to ignore the attraction before had been killed of spectacularly in a single motion. Much as Kel was inexperienced with such things, she knew that no man could kiss a girl like that and not mean something by it, even if he was betrothed. Because out here, in the wilderness, with only the moon and the stars to tell you the time of day, the restrictions of palace life didn't seem to matter much. Out here, a man could kiss a woman wherever he wanted, and however he wanted, regardless of any others he had kissed in his lifetime, and for a moment he could forget every other woman and focus on one woman, and perhaps, just perhaps, they could escape everything, stay In the wilderness, and one day perhaps forget that civilisation even existed....

Kel cut her thoughts off firmly and forced herself back into reality. Neal would be up at any moment, and she would have to have something to say to him. She knew that, despite her own feelings, Neal couldn't leave Yuki for her so soon before the wedding, and probably wouldn't even given the choice. They had, after all, been together for a lot longer than the few minutes that "the kiss" had lasted, and they had never avoided each other for hours, or sat together in awkward silences. Kel sighed. There was nothing she could do, she would just have to tall Neal that "the kiss" meant nothing, that in her mind, she was still living the single life and loving every moment.

0OooO0

Neal sat up, fully dressed, his tent, and pushed his hair back out of his eyes with one hand, a gesture which always seemed to haunt him when he was stressed. He still couldn't quite fathom why he'd done it. He supposed he'd let himself become overwhelmed. But ever since he'd left for New Hope, he'd been wondering why he'd ever gotten together with Yuki. Sure, they had a lot in common, but maybe it was too much. Opposites attract, and Neal and Yuki were like two pees in a pod. They shared a love of romance, beauty and themselves, and before he left her for New Hope he had begun to notice that many of the traits people found irritating about him were also present in his betrothed. She was arrogant, volatile, and often unbearably vain.

But Kel? Kel was his equal and his opposite in almost every way. Humble, consistent and honest, she seemed to brighten his day whenever she was near him. And yet they seemed to somehow have enough in common to stay friends for years, even though they would probably never even met if fate hadn't thrown them together.

And so somehow along the roads to and from New Hope, Neal's love for Kel had grown beyond that of just a friend. It had progressed to a desire that always seemed to be there, and always seemed to be at him to tell her off it. Even as he sat there on the ground of his tent, it weaselled its way through all his clever traps and whispered to his mind _you know you want her_ it hissed, always there, always nagging, _and you could have her, she showed you that last night..._

And suddenly his mind was there again, back in the dark clearing where they had stopped, only for a moment, to water their horses. They had met with a seeding tree on their way to the small river, and Kel was laughing as she picked the evidence out of Neal's dark hair. In that moment, Neal had found her more beautiful than any other woman he had ever seen. Her features shone in the soft evening light, making her hair glow, her eyes dance and her smile seem more magical than ever.

Neal still wasn't quite sure what had happened to him, much as he often acted and spoke on impulse, last nights kiss had been more than accidental. It had been more of a climax, a climax to all the months of wanting her, and wondering what it would be like to push the friendship barrier, push it just a little, just to see what it felt like. And yet now he wished he hadn't. Had never felt his lips on hers, or his hands around her waist, and had instead constantly lived in wonder. Because all that he had learned from trying just a little was that what he needed was a super-sized serve.

0OooO0

It was not until several hours later that Neal finally emerged from his sanctuary-disguised-as-a-tent. Kel looked up from where she sat on her log, watching him as he walked, no longer vain and haughty but shy and resolved. She loved the way his black hair had grown so it flopped in his eyes. Looking up at him she could see easily why he had so many court ladies chasing him. But Kel would not let herself be fooled by her own emotions, she had promised herself that many times as she had sat and thought. She would tell Neal that she wanted nothing to do with him, and that would be the end of everything they had beyond a simple friendship.

Kel wiped a stray tear from her eyes. It had to be done, for Neal's sake.

Bracing herself, she turned away from him as he walked over and sat down on the log beside her. Keeping her face as blank as stone, she turned to him and opened her mouth to speak, when he spoke first, and for some reason, (Kel couldn't fathom why later, but she figured fate had something to do with it) she let him.

"Look, Kel" Neal began uneasily, and at that moment Kel would have bet the whole of Tortall he was going to tell her the whole thing was a mistake, until he spoke again... "I...I think I'm going to call the wedding off"

Kel gasped. She couldn't let him do this! She had to say something! He was making a mistake! He...was this all because of her? But Yuki...

"It has nothing to do with you" he sighed, as though he'd spent hours practicing these words, and as though he wanted to say them as quickly as possible. "But it has everything to do with you" he said, looking at her more seriously than Kel thought he ever had. _Well, at least he's thought about it... _Kel reasoned with herself _but..Oh gods! What if Yuki finds out I kissed him! She'll hate me...and what about..._

"Neal" she began before she could stop herself "Just because....well, it was a mistake I guess and...well, you...I can't let you do this! Think of Yuki! What will she say? You love her!" Neal looked at the ground again, as thought the dust below their feet held the answer to all his problems. "You don't need to do this Neal! Marry Yuki and get on with your life! I'll be fine, I mean..."

"I'm not doing this for you" he interrupted, looking suddenly. Kel could see that he had tears in his eyes _this must be hard for him_ she thought, looking away. "I'm doing this for me! I can't live with Yuki for the rest of my life!" her eyes widened in surprise, he had always said that he needed to be with Yuki... "I know I said I loved her, but I was wrong. I couldn't live with her!" he said the words with so much passion Kel knew they must be true... "she reminds me too much of me!" Kel grinned _well, at least he hasn't lost his sense of humour_ she thought, still smiling like an idiot. Turning to look at him, she found that he was not smiling, but gazing at her with the intensity he usually reserved for his current favourite philosophy books. Unnerved, she looked away again.

"But you're different" he began again "You're patient, and kind and...well, I've never met another girl like you Kel" he finished, almost desperately.

Kel looked everywhere except at Neal. The only boy who'd ever spoken to her like this before was Cleon, and everyone knew what had happened with Cleon. Apparently her reputation was still suffering at court. Mothers still warned their children to be careful about whom they courted; else they may end up being hurt like the realms youngest female knight. Kel couldn't stand the idea. She hated people pitying her. Why was her heart doing this to her again? Why Neal have to like her? And why oh why did she have to like him back?

0OooO0

Neal gazed at Kel, the hurt that he felt showing plainly in his eyes. Why wouldn't she look at him? Didn't she realise he was putting his whole life on the line here. He knew it must be hard for her, he knew Yuki was a good friend of hers and that she must feel guilty about what she was doing, but still, he'd thought from the way she'd kissed him that she at least felt something, but maybe she was just a lump through and through after all.

Desperation creeping into his voice, Neal whispered the words he had wanted to say for so many months now. "I love you, Kel" he confessed.

_There, I've said it_ he thought to himself _this is the part where she turns to me, tears flowing down her face, confesses her undying love for me, and we get married and have several gorgeous children _Neal took one long, last look at Kel before fixing his eyes on the ground. Where was his fairytale ending? Didn't she like him at all. Neal felt tears building up behind his eyes, he battle with them for several minutes, before he was finally forced to let them go, to let Kel go. Slowly, he got up, and began walking back to his tent. In fact he was so caught up in his tears that he didn't even hear her footsteps behind him, barely felt her hands as she grabbed his, but he definitely felt her lips, kissing his tears away, and finally pressing themselves to his so passionately he hardly believed he was kissing his restrained best friend.

And it was only minutes later, when Kel finally stopped (but only for a second) that he heard her say the words she would repeat thousands more times in her lifetime: 'I love you, Neal"

0OooO0

Told you it was fluffy


End file.
